A hanging tale
by yesiamanowl
Summary: AU!verse of 4B. Killian and Emma have a fight after she gets too afraid of his love for her. Little does she realise that she has just taken everything away from him; leading him on to do something drastic. Rated T for suicidal themes.
1. A friend in need

**Killian**

This day had not been going well for Killian. Six weeks of peace was finally broken- not for the entire town for no big bad's had shown up, but it had all gone wrong for Killian. Emma and Henry had been his everything, but Emma had decided that it was to stop. Their relationship, his friendship with Henry and David, all to stop- all because of him making that deal with the Dark One.

The argument that had brought it on was very long and very one sided- mainly just Emma shouting at him and him trying to keep it quiet, but to no avail she wanted him, the pirate who, in her mind, always lied and should be thrown across the town line knowing full well that anybody who crossed over the line could never return to Storybrooke. Killian didn't put up a fight (much to the surprise of David) for he believed that he deserved every verbal beating he got. He believed with all his heart that he was a villain, and that he would never be enough for Emma. He had always known deep down that he hadn't deserved her; so why did he keep trying? His heart had already gotten him into enough trouble as it stood, with Liam, Milah, Baelfire, and now Emma too. Once Emma had said what she had wanted to say, the reality of their argument sank in. He was never allowed to see or talk to Henry again, he was only allowed to work with David if it was completely necessary and there was nobody else who could do it, and worst of all- Emma never wanted to see him again. His heart felt heavy in his chest, just like when Emma had placed it back in, but only now it was the wrong kind of weight, the pain that demanded to be felt.

Although the weather was normal for one this early in January; cold, miserable and lonely- reflective of his mood really. His mind mulled over the words his love had said to him. _You're nothing but a filthy lying pirate! Never go near my son again! I never want to see your face again_. He had done so much to change for her and her family, he had followed her across realms and time, was trying to get used to her world whilst trying to protect them from those who would challenge the peace. But it wasn't enough- it would never be enough for them, for in their eyes he would always be the good for nothing pirate who only cared about himself. And he wanted more than anything to try and turn back but he knew in his heart that he had changed too much to go back to piracy. He had seen his heart- it was bright red, so much purer than he could ever imagined.

So he planned. He planned to re-enact something he had done so many years before- something that made him far from human in the eyes of his brother. Never in three hundred years had he thought to try it again, to see if it would last, and to put him at peace with the world. And holding it in his hands once more, complete with the thirteen ties and his mother's necklace; a cruel reminder that his family were all long gone. But this time? This time he would succeed and he could finally join them after three hundred years of being alone.

**David**

After Emma's rather unexpected outburst at Hook, he had been determined to find him. But to the prince's surprise, he was in none of his usual haunts, meaning he wasn't at the white rabbit, he wasn't at his room at Granny's, and he wasn't down the port either. The only thing that had worried him was that all his stuff was gone from Granny's, the room left meticulously tidy and the key back behind the desk. But why would he give up his room if only to return to it later? Or maybe he had taken up Robin's offer and gone to stay over in the merry men's camp. He barely noticed Belle running up to him because he was so deep in thought, although she more or less ran into him snapping him straight out of it.

"How can I help you Belle?"

"We have to go to the woods and find Killian right now"

"Wait… how do you know that he's missing… and the woods..."

"Look I'll explain what I can on the way there but we have to hurry. And you may want to call an ambulance for on case we're too late." Fearing for Killian's life he did as Belle said, but when her words finally came out, he couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"So what, this book turns up out of nowhere on the shelf you were stacking, holding a letter written by Killian's brother saying that what he could possibly be preparing for right now has happened before?"

"Yeah although last time Killian had some sort of guardian angel watching over him. Now all he has is us" The rest of the drive was spent in an uncomfortable silence, but it was one that shouldn't be broken, for all their minds could think of was what would be waiting for them when they got to the woods.

**Robin **

The camp was unusually quiet that day, with most of the men going to the white rabbit to have a few and to watch the soccer match that would be playing on the television. He thought back to the amazing night he had spent playing poker and drinking with David and Killian, laughter filled that memory till it was full from all the shenanigans that occurred that night. A small smile crept across his face, relishing one of the happy memories which he had gained in just a few short weeks.

"Robin?" Regina called, snapping him out of one happy memory and into reality, a reality which all of a sudden, felt very wrong. "Can you feel it too? The feeling that something is really really wrong right now?" She questioned, an uncertainty resting in her voice that had never been there before.

Robin stood there, half about to answer the question, when his hunter senses kicked in. He knew right there and then where he had to go. And he knew it was to save one of the few men he could safely say was his friend but not a merry man. He had to save Killian Jones.

Both parties arrived at exactly the same time, just as Killian was jumping from the branch with the rope securely around his neck. Both Robin and David shot the rope, but it didn't cut until all Killian's weight was resting on it, joined by a resounding snap from his neck.

The next few moments went by in slow motion, from running over to their unconscious companion, to the paramedics rushing him to hospital in the back of the ambulance. The contortion in his neck just lying there in proof- proof that they may not have been in time to save their friend from himself. But when the surgery went underway, time slowed down to the point where three hours felt like three years. The silence between friends was broken by Dr Whale calling them down to the room which Killian had been moved to.

It was bare apart from the machines that lined the walls, with a lifeless body in the centre of the room. Had it not been for Killian's rather obvious stump for a left arm, you would have never guessed that it was him, for he was generally very good at avoiding the hospital at all costs (the last time he had been to the hospital was when he was hit by a car. How long ago that was. Regina was the first to enter the room, for she had been standing right next to Robin when he shot his crossbow in an attempt to cut his friend down. She was closely followed by Belle, who had an important letter that was addressed to Killian from his brother that he was supposed to get three hundred years ago when Liam died, but he never got the message.


	2. Some far off horizon

_**Thank you to those who have reviewed and read the last chapter! If you are reading this you are now a small owl in your own personal and amazing way! **_

_**To Jen: I'm glad you like it! Hope that you carry on liking it despite my horrific ability to not English properly**_

_**To Captain sawn forever 1984: Yes poor Killian; but I guarantee it's going to get a whole lot better for him now! And also there is most likely going to be about ten more chapters but I'm not entirely sure so don't hold me to that**_

_**Please feel free to leave a review, or if you have an idea I will happily take it and try and do something with it! And welcome to my little Owl family! **___

**David**

Killian was lifeless in the hospital bed, all colour had long since faded from his skin, making him look more like a corpse than one of David's closest friends. There were x-rays and various other scans hanging on the wall opposite the hospital bed showing the damage that had been caused by Killian's suicide attempt. His neck had been badly broken, with his larynx shattered and his spinal cord damaged. The majority of his larynx had been placed back together by Dr Whale and his surgeons, but they hadn't been able to save Killian's voice, for the fragments that made up the bone and the larynx had shattered and damaged in a way that meant the bone fragments would have to be taken out for Killian to live more normally. The damage on his spinal cord was unknown, for until Killian awoke, they would have no idea how much mobility he would have left, and Dr Whale was refusing Regina from healing what was left of Killian's neck for the magic would try to piece together the pieces that were no longer there, that could cause untold damage to Killian's already destroyed neck. Thankfully they didn't have to wait long before Killian awoke, but for the first minute or so they hadn't known because he had no way of alerting them. Robin was the first to notice his friends awakening, immediately rushing to his side, trying to calm him down however was futile for he was more or less having a panic attack. The nurses were there soon with a sedative to calm him down and requested both the men to leave their friends side.

**Killian**

The first thing I saw was Robin and David in the hospital room around me. David was standing looking at some pictures on the wall that looked like they were a neck- presumably mine, whilst Robin was sat next to me. I opened my mouth to try and comment on them both being here, but no words came out. So I tried to move, but alas my body wouldn't respond, and I could feel the panic slowly rising in my lifeless corpse. Robin noticed that I was awake and immediately tried to calm me down but it wasn't working. I was going straight into a panic attack, just as I had when Liam was alive- come to think of it when I had come back the first time I had had a panic attack and he had brought me back; but the nurses gave me something that forced me to calm down. My thoughts were no longer clear- rather stars that I couldn't fathom into constellations.

"Killian, can you hear me?" Victor said, almost tentative on the subject. Victor, like Emma, he was something as an open book to me, so I knew that he was trying to figure out just what I still had the ability to do. I could manage a nod of my head, but nothing more- my body no longer felt like my body, it felt more like a corpse- cold and lifeless. Victor ran his tests and told me exactly the damage that I had done to myself in my attempt to join my family; I had shattered a vertebrae in my neck which in turn had destroyed my vocal cords meaning that I would never be able to speak again. One of the lower vertebrae had dislodged into my spinal cord and had damaged it so that I would never be able to move my body from my neck down. As one of my closest friends in Storybrooke, Victor knew how to read me. He could see that I was giving up, giving up because I couldn't move, I couldn't talk; I would be stuck in this hospital room for the rest of my days and I couldn't do anything against it.

It was dark outside by the time Robin and Regina came back into my hospital room, with a small Rowland not far behind. Regina had been with Robin when he had shot me down, just as Belle had been beside David. I couldn't help but let out a small smile when Rowland starting jumping up and down, trying to catch a glimpse of the shadow that now lay in the hospital room, a man who was no longer himself.

"Why is uncle Kiyiyan so pale papa?" The simple fact that he still couldn't say my name properly brought a smile to my face, for in the dismal wreck that was the hospital, he brought a bit of colour to the blinding white room.

"Your uncle Killian had an accident and hurt his neck quite badly"

"And we're here to fix it!" the little boy exclaimed excitedly, and receiving a glare from Regina. It seemed he had let the cat out of the bag.

"Now I need you to stay very still Killian- or this could go horribly wrong" her words rang put against the walls. She said stay still but it was all I could do. I had only the mobility to slightly nod my response. But my thoughts were cut short by a blinding pain that stretched firstly from my neck, all the way down my legs and back again; and when it was over, I finally had my body back. I was slightly startled by Regina's gesture, for she and I hadn't exactly been mates, and yet she had come and fixed my neck so that I wouldn't be stuck in a hospital bed for the rest of my days. So in turn I rewarded her with a gesture which she certainly didn't expect to see from me, for as soon as the initial amazement of regaining control of my limbs had settled, I pulled her into a tight hug of which she couldn't escape. And to my surprise she returned it- and I could practically hear Robin's smile, especially if it was anything to go by little Rowland's laugh.

"UP UP!" and true to form Robin picked up the boy and placed him by my legs- however that didn't last long as he immediately clambered his way up to my chest so that I could give him a hug that was so tight that he tried to crawl his way out; making Regina and Robin laugh more than I had seen in days. But however happy they were, and however grateful I was for getting mobility back, it still didn't chase away the darkness that had come to reside in my heart. _Or was it my mind?_ Either way, the darkness and sorrow still loomed above me like a storm cloud, preparing its bolts for another strike. One thing I did know about this darkness though was that it was just a little bit smaller; Robin, Regina, Rowland, David and Belle had all made sure of that. And for a moment, I could see a small shimmer of light on the horizon.

_**Thank you all for reading! **_


	3. the gathering

**_Sorry this took so long! And thank you to those who have reviewed and read the last chapter! If you are reading this you are now a small owl in your own personal and amazing way!_**

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Once Upon a Time._**

**_Please review, or if you have an idea I will happily take it and try and do something with it! And welcome to my little Owl family!_**

**David**

The hours following my unexpected trip to the hospital for Killian were spent lying through my teeth to Emma, who had almost known from the instant I had walked through the door that I had broken her "No Killian" rule and she was absolutely livid about it. I had asked Killian if I could tell Emma, so she could know exactly what she had done to him, but all he did was shake his head. I could see him telling me with his eyes; _I don't want her to love me or forgive me out of sympathy, but by her own choice_. The stubborn pirate and my daughter were better for each other than anyone would ever realise.

Thank god that Snow was more interested in Neal than what was going on with Killian- partly because she knew I would tell her later but also because she didn't want the wrath Emma headed her way anytime soon.

"There is a reason that I didn't want you to see Killian!"

"And what's that? He's one of my closest friends, and has proven himself to us over and over again, he isn't who he once was!"

"No and that's where you are blind! He still is the pirate who doesn't care about anyone but himself!"

"What happened between you two Emma? One thing I know you and Killian are fine and he would do anything for you and the next thing I know you want nothing to do with him! And from me talking to him, nothing has changed at his end Emma; he would still go to the ends of the earth for you"

"David's right, Emma. Killian hasn't **Done **anything, I mean, he's not betrayed us for the Queens of darkness has he?"

Thankfully Emma listened to Mary-Margaret more than she did me- and Snow was right; Killian hadn't betrayed us, if anything his loyalty to Storybrooke had become stronger over the past two months. Emma stayed quiet after Snow's comment, thinking over her comment, however I doubt that her mind would be changed. I knew this because she got it from me- I was one of the most stubborn people you could meet- although Emma's experiences had made her almost twice as stubborn as me meaning that until she had calmed down completely over the Killian situation, nobody would be able to reason with her.

A couple of hours later, once Emma had gone to her new apartment by the docks, Snow asked me where it was that I had been exactly. I wanted to tell her; I wanted to tell her about what Killian had done to himself, that he was now permanently hospitalised (Until Regina got to him, they had said that they were going to try and fix his spinal cord with magic round about now), and that he would never be able to speak again. But Killian had given me the look that said _tell nobody_. He wanted to keep his accident a secret- however hard that may be in such a small instead I told her that I had been with Killian in the woods, and that he staying out of the sight of the towns people for a while- until he could show his face without Emma wanting to throw him across the town line.

The hospital was empty that morning, meaning that I could hear a small child's laugh from a mile off. Robin had evidently allowed Rowland to come and visit with him again this morning- but when I got to Killian's room, I could not believe my eyes for the scene that was playing out in front of me. Killian was **moving**, and his neck was no longer in a weird position. On the walls, the new scans showed that his neck was now fine, apart from him now being a mute there was nothing wrong with the man. But none of this phased little Rowland, he was sitting up on Killian's bed, laughing as his favourite "Uncle" was pulling stupid faces at him. I was about to enter the room when I heard Victor calling me from further down the corridor.

"How may I help you Victor?"

"Now Killian has his mobility back, he has agreed to learn sign language in an attempt to talk to those who are close to him. Robin, Regina and Rowland have all agreed to learn it with him, I am learning it along with the Merry men, and we were all wondering… Would you and Mary-Margaret like to learn it as well? That way we can all understand him still"

"It's going to be a no from Mary-Margaret, for if I asked her to learn sign language she would immediately ask who it was for, but I will certainly learn sign language. It was hard enough nearly losing Killian when he was in the woods, but losing him through me not being able to understand him would be bad form on my part. But how will Killian be able to do sign language? He only has one hand?"

"Miss French found his severed hand in Gold's shop and brought it down. Regina is going to re-attach it to Killian's stump this afternoon. Not only will it mean he will be able to do sign language with us, it will also mean that we will have our friend back. Oh! And before I forget, I was wondering if you could get in contact with Grumpy, Killian's phone was going off today because apparently he was supposed to meet Leroy down the docks as a semi- casual job interview"

By the time night arrived, there was an eclectic mix of people standing in Victor's office, There was; Leroy, Robin, Regina, Rowland, Will Scarlett (surprisingly- it was no secret that he disliked the pirate, however he did enjoy drinking with him), Little John, McTuck, Ruby, Belle and Victor. Most people standing in the room had been told that the idea was they were all going to learn sign language, but only a handful of us knew exactly why. Leroy was the first to speak up

"Okay Charming- We are all here because we supposedly need to learn sign language. It's all great up to the part that there are no mutes in Storybrooke" Those who didn't know the situation all nodded in agreement, all bar Will Scarlett, who, by the looks of things, already knew what I was about to say.

"Who is it then Dave? Quite evidently there has been a mishap of sorts and we all somehow know this person, but what kind of an injury would take away a person's voice?" Will called out. I simply nodded towards Victor to motion that he tell everyone in the room the news.

"An impact on his neck which was strong enough to shatter a vertebra in his neck, which in turn ripped his Larynx to shreds. It also paralysed him from the neck down, but thanks to Regina, he now has complete mobility of his body, and is almost completely fine bar the fact he no longer has a voice"

"no…" Ruby gasped- Emma had told her that she and Killian had had a fight and broken up, but after his absence she had just assumed that he was staying somewhere down the port. Robin and I could see the realisation cloud her eyes- that was until she started crying.

Leroy looked as though he was about to ask exactly who it was they were all there for; but the man who we had all just been talking about walked through the office door, a slight look of shock when he saw the amount of people all crowded into his friends small office. His traditional raised eyebrow towards me and Robin just going _why the hell are there so many people in here?_ Something that we were happier to see than I think anyone could have realised.

**Killian**

Dr Whale had already asked me earlier on in the day if I wanted to do sign language as a form of being able to communicate with others by myself and I had happily obliged. Little had I realised though that he was working in secret with Belle and Regina in a bid to get my hand back to me. Although I really should have seen it coming because you need two hands to do it successfully- but because of the strange concoctions Victor had me on I could barely think straight. I couldn't wait to get into some proper clothes however, for the hospital gowns just made me feel indecent from the gaping hole at the back. Evidently someone had had the fore thought to place some of my modern clothes in a bag at the end of my bed for when Victor had finally cleared me for leaving the hospital room- but I wouldn't be allowed to leave the hospital for a while longer; not until I had learned enough sign language to say the basic of what I needed and what I wanted. This was all fine by me, leaving the hospital room, for it finally meant the drugs which were clouding my mind were leaving my system whilst leaving me with a clearer head.

What I didn't expect however was the large group of people who had been gathered in Victor's office to learn sign language, just so I could be able to talk to other people again. By the time I opened the door the she wolf was already in tears, and when she saw me, Belle also broke down. The men just stood there in shock; for they hadn't expected it to be me. I was the cocky pirate in their eyes; however in reality I was just broken. Turning to Robin and Charming, I tried to ask them why so many people were in the room- after they had finished laughing at my response from having so many people in this one room.

Belle was the first to ask when I would be able to leave the hospital and what arrangements there would be. Grumpy just said sorry and offered me the job as harbour master still, and that I would just have to start when I had learned enough sign language. Rowland kind of just sat on my foot and refused to move whilst everyone else were trying to give me support.

Will was the first one to ask how it had all come around, and Charming and Robin said what they knew- but nobody knew the full picture. Emma had yelled at me and said all those things that made me break down the anniversary of my mother's death. I had then proceeded to try and kill myself on the anniversary of my brothers- had charming and the others not found me that is.

And once more, I could see that there was still hope for me to have a life in Storybrooke. I just wasn't sure how I was going to survive without seeing Emma.


	4. the letter of the long lost brother

**Hi my little owls! Sorry this one took so long I have been mega busy recently and haven't had much time to do anthing on any of my stories so I hope you enjoy this chapter! May be a bit feelsy and diclaimer- I own nothing but the storyline**

**Belle**

A week had passed since I had told David to drive as fast as he could to the forest. A week had passed and now that Killian had become conscious once more, he had wanted to know how I had discovered what he was doing that day. This of course meant showing him the letter left by his brother which never made it to him (well at least that's what we thought).

_How did you know Belle? _He questioned, but not pushing me to say what I couldn't yet say, I had always known that about Killian Jones (even when he was a pirate and was trying to kill me); he would never push someone to say something unless it was a life or death situation. Something I was rather glad of in the situation.

A small glance to my left showed me that he was still there, something I really didn't think I could ever get used to; for I was used to hearing his comments on books, or just him being annoying in a fun way to try and distract my mind from my soon to be ex-husband. In that sense I viewed him as the big brother that I never had, something that over the past few weeks I had found immeasurably useful. I couldn't read such a letter to him, the words nearly made me cry the first time; but he still deserved to know- preferably without me bursting into tears before I had read even the first line, so instead of reading the letter to Killian, I held it out to him, trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall (I wasn't very successful for as soon as Killian's eyes touched the page the waterfall started).

**Killian**

It had been exactly a week since I had tried to take my life. It had been four days since I had woken up paralysed. Three since I had regained my body. Two since the gathering in Whale's office to talk about sign lessons. But today I needed to know something that had been bothering me since I had woken up. _Just how exactly __**had **__Belle known my plans? And the location?_ But thankfully she had agreed to come to tell me how she had known my plans (I made another mental note to try and get a message through to Henry to say thank you for teaching me on how to text people).

Upon greeting Belle I could see that she was nervous about her big reveal. However I could never have expected for her to bring out a letter- in Liam's handwriting no less. Her hands were shaking in anticipation (not in the good way), and wouldn't still even when my own surrounded them. Once she had handed me the letter, the tears that had been building in her eyes started to roll down her cheeks. So I turned my attention to the letter that now rested in my hands.

_To my little brother,_

_I know that by the time you read this I will have passed on to the next life. And for that I am truly sorry, for it means that I have broken my promise to you that I would never die. I can hear you on the deck above me, taking control of the ship as I know you will very shortly become the captain of the Jewel. I know that the next few years are going to be hard for you- for I will be the last person for whom you have cared for who has died/abandoned you. I remember you when father left to become more powerful in his magic, when he left us to the dark one. That was the night you learned how to cry and scream quietly, trying to defend me and mother- however when he started the torture by getting into her head and making her use that knife to take her own life… I just need you to know Killian that it wasn't because of you that she did it to herself. It was just the dark one playing with our minds. I realise that I can never compare my loss to yours, for you had to grow up being constantly reminded by father that you were the orphan that nobody wanted. I never believed that for one moment however- for they would have drowned you rather than given you to a family who could care for you, and on top of that they left their family crest with you; that means my little brother that they __**want **__you to find them, and that they had no other choice but to abandon you._

_To say the least in those few weeks we spent under the dark one's torture, we suffered more pain than most feel in a lifetime. However the night we were finally freed is what has scarred me the most. I told you that it was all your fault that father had left us and why mother had taken that knife to her throat, and I told you that your life was worthless, and that nobody would ever care for you. I had told you to kill yourself in spite for I blamed you wrongly for what had happened to our family- when truth be told; __**I knew it was not your fault**__. But seeing you…hanging there from the mast… because there weren't any trees….I swear to you my heart had stopped beating I instantly regretted everything I had said to you and I feared that I would never be able to apologise. Little did I know you had a guardian angel- or more accurately- a guardian star watching over you from the heavens. His name was lord Cygnus, the lord of the constellation we always followed home. He gave me another chance to be your brother and for that I will be forever in his debt. I still remember your face when he placed your lifeless body in my arms, apart from your evidently broken neck, you looked peaceful. And I remember how you coughed back to life, the injury gone and the light returning to your eyes. All I could remember saying for the rest of the week was how sorry I was, and how I had never meant to say those things. But you being you read me like a book and you said "__**you did mean those things brother, you just never had a good enough reason to say them"**__. To say the least after that we became inseparable, just as brothers should be. _

_I remember the way we would find instruments in each port we visited, playing the songs that our crew would sing along to, something that the town's people would always enjoy, no matter where we were. That was what gained our kings attention Killian- not the amount of armada's that we had fought in and won, not for the amount of times we had to deliver important messages to other kingdoms, but the reactions we received from those who met us. He saw that the people would always trust us, so he deceived us into going to Neverland to retrieve the dreamshade, thinking that the people would trust his judgement because it was us he had sent to get it. I let my pride get the better of me brother… and that is something that I will take to my (very imminent) grave. I should have listened to you; I should have listened to that boy. And whatever you chose to do next, I ask you only one thing- leave __**his **__navy, I don't care whether it's to another or to become the very thing we have fought over the years, just never follow that man's orders. _

_I know this will be hard for you Killian, but keep playing music, for it is the only time I have ever seen you truly happy. I hope in your future you find someone (something I have missed out on- love her enough for the two of us), I want you listen to your heart brother, and if it tells you to do something- you drop everything and do it. I don't know exactly when you will get this message but I hope it is soon._

_And I know I am asking a lot of you in this letter, but I need you to promise me something. I need you to keep holding onto life- I __want __**need **__you to promise my dead soul that you will never try to kill yourself again; or at least have people who are willing to help you if you get so low you feel like that is your only option. Please brother- __**I can't lose you too.**_

_And whatever comes to you in your future, I wish for good health and fortune; but most of all love that will shake you to your core and becomes the light of your life. Find that brother, and you shall find me._

_From your older (I may be dead but I can still use that title for a few more years) brother, William Noah Jones._

For three-hundred years I had wondered and feared about what my brother would think of my decisions, yet here it was, still in one piece after all these years, his final message. I didn't know whether to feel happy or ashamed that Belle knew the secret that made me all but human. I was beginning to realise just why Belle had burst into tears. She had found out about why I hated the dark one so much through my brothers words, and she felt ashamed to have fallen in love with the man she could now see as a monster.

I tried to take Belle into my arms, to try and calm her down, but she pushed me away. The confusion on my face was evident to her, but her question was one I could have never expected

"Why did you never tell anyone that you felt that way? Did you not feel like you could trust us to know what has happened to you or what was happening to you?" This is where I would usually give a speech on how that wasn't what had happened at all, but alas- my voice was still gone so I improvised and grabbed a notepad that David had left for me to use and began to write;

_Know this Belle- I had never meant for anyone to be hurt by my actions, both in the past and present. But know this- it wasn't because I didn't entrust you with my past; but because I was too ashamed of it to tell anyone. I never mentioned what had transpired between me and the dark one all those years ago because I thought it would be of no importance, a reason for people to take pity on me (which Is something I hate more than being away from Emma). I sometimes wondered if the crocodile (also known as your soon to be ex-husband) had flashbacks of what previous dark one's did to their enemies, for he would sometimes glance at me with only pain in his eyes- one not caused by Milah or Baelfire, but by something he had probably witnessed. No matter for it evidently wasn't enough for him so he continued with his plan to crush my heart. _

_But all that has passed now Belle- because I will share my past with you, or even play the song I used to for you: you just have to ask for I am no psychic I cannot tell what it is you want to know all the time. If I haven't said it already Belle- I am sorrier than you shall ever know for ever hurting you, and now that I do know you (please do not take this the wrong way) I kind of see you as a younger sister- meaning I now sort of see it as my job to make sure you do not get hurt. I thought I would be doing everyone a favour by cleansing myself from the land, but I was sorely wrong. And I can see that now. Please Belle I know I do not deserve this but please stay by me, for I don't want to be alone anymore. On the plus side I can make sure that Rumpelstiltskin can never hurt you again?_

After a while of writing I gave Belle my note, and that's round about when the water works started again.

**So what do you little owls think of this one? Please leave a reveiw for a recent study shows leaving reviews will boost chapter upload rates by 100%**


	5. Henry discovers the truth

**Killian**

Two months passed before I was allowed to live outside the hospital, but in that time I had started my job as harbour master, I had helped Belle come to terms with the crocodile's deception, and she helped me come to terms with mine and Emma's break-up. That day was always in my thoughts, but the sadness was starting to slide, thanks to Whale referring me to the grass hopper who was something called "a psychiatrist"- even though I had no idea what one of those was I could definitely feel that it was helping me along my journey to recovery.

The dwarves had all managed to learn sign language pretty quickly, meaning I could talk to any one of them at any time whilst I was on duty at the port. At first I had stayed with Belle, until Leroy discovered that there was a harbour masters house by the port which now belonged to me- so of course Belle helped me move in, then moved in with me all before selling the crocodiles house. She was proud of herself for taking that step forward, and rightfully so; for every night I was there she would have nightmares or see a ghost of him in the halls.

The dwarves weren't the only ones who had managed to pick up sign language quickly- for my drinking buddies had all decided that I should still be able to drink with them, meaning that; Jefferson, Will Scarlett, all the dwarves and David could all understand me (even when I was drunk). To say the least the rabbit hole did get rather full whenever we were in. My life was beginning to start again, something I had thought would never happen without Emma right by my side.

Charming was still going against Emma's 'no Killian' rule. Much to the entertainment of pretty much everybody I knew and was friends with- but thank god Mary-Margaret had neither asked David nor seen me so she was still in the dark about my condition.

This morning was supposed to be just a regular day at the office (or so to speak) today for I would go about my usual routine; Get up, go to the hospital for more sign lessons, cooking lessons with Belle, Granny and Ruby, then going to work at the port, all before coming home of the evening to watch a movie or read a book (either way it entailed me learning pop culture and how to use modern day appliances). However fate had other ideas, for today Henry and Regina had had enough of his other mother's 'no Killian' rule, and so they decided to go down to the docks just after I had arrived from cooking at my apartment.

**Regina Mills**

Henry had snapped this morning. He decided that he shouldn't have to follow the 'no Killian' rule anymore and that he wanted to see him today. Or he wouldn't talk to me or any of his other family members for a week until he was allowed to talk to him- so I decided to avoid that whole fiasco with Emma and go with him myself to see Killian; for at least that way there would definitely be a translator for Killian to use to talk to Henry. So here we were, nearly at the port after walking straight from the house (_Killian prefers walking mom so I'm gonna walk there!_)

"Why do you think he's not calling anyone? I mean you would have thought he would of at least called me and tried to carry on normally"

"We both know why he hasn't been doing that Henry. Are you sure you want to do this Henry? Because you may get a bit of a shock when you see the captain again"

"Wait… You've been breaking the 'no Killian' rule without me?"

"Yes. I haven't told you why because he asked me not to. He wanted to tell you in person" _well as much as a mute can say anything._ By this time we had just reached the steps which led to the harbour masters office, the very office that I knew Killian would be in at that very moment.

"Can you wait here please Henry? I just need to see him quickly before you speak to him" Henry pulled a typical teenager move and shrugged his shoulders whilst going 'fine' in his best teenager voice.

As I reached for the door, I could see Killian deep in thought whilst sorting out some official port papers. I knocked on the door to gain his attention before walking into his surprising neat office.

_Hello Regina! What can I help you with today?_

_Henry pulled a fit at the 'no Killian' rule and he wants to talk to you_

_Does he realise that I can no longer speak?_

_No. He thinks you have been ignoring his phone calls- I try to tell him otherwise but he wouldn't listen to me._

_I'll happily talk to the boy- I'll just need you there to act as a translator. Also well done, this is the longest sign conversation you've managed to have with me without accidentally swearing._

_I'm trying my hardest._

"Henry? You can come up now" His footsteps sounded throughout the small office as he ran up the stairs, not caring much if he nearly fell over on them. He immediately ran straight for Killian and gave him a massive hug- one which was reciprocated by Killian (I would be jealous of the pirate for being able to elicit such a reaction from my son- but then I remembered that he had no voice or any family left).

"Why have you been ignoring me Killian? You didn't have to follow my mom's rules! When it was all quiet I almost thought you were dead!" Killian let go of Henry when he said the word 'dead'. He sent an almost accusing glare to say _did you tell him? _I just shook my head.

**Killian Jones**

"When it was all quiet I almost thought you were dead!" My blood ran cold at Henry's words. How could he have known I had almost died that day? Had Regina told him? As if she could read my mind she shook her head to say there was no possible way for him to have known about any of that. I pushed the lad away so I would have some space to sign my response;

_I never meant to worry you Henry, and the reason I haven't been able to return any of your calls was because Emma smashed my phone and I no longer have a voice._

"What's with the jazz hands Killian?"

"What Killian was saying was that he had never meant to worry you, and that he hadn't been able to return your calls since your other mother smashed his phone. But the other reason for him not returning your call..."

Regina's voice was practically breaking by the end of the sentence, her mind reeling back to when she and Robin had found me; as they watched me take a last ditch attempt to end my life. Henry of course, was as observant and as smart as Emma, meaning that he took next to no time in realising that something had happened to me and I could no longer speak. Only then did he understand why I had been gone for two months, rather than the usual two days at most which he was used to.

_Regina? Everything I sign from now, I need you to translate word for word._

_Henry, the day your mother and I split up, I was torn into more pieces than I had been in for years- partly because she was unhappy with me for my deal with the dark one- yes she is still angry at me for it and I don't blame her, but also because she had broken me on the anniversary of my mother's death, and then I tried to kill myself on the anniversary of my brother's. My attempt left me without mobility from my neck downwards and without a voice. Regina was able to fix my neck meaning I could move again, then she and Belle worked together to get my hand re-attached. After that a group of people, including David and Regina, all decided to learn sign language just so I could continue living here in Storybrooke. Any questions Henry?_

Regina was crying by the time she finished translating for me, and Henry wasn't far behind. He hadn't realised just how much damage his mother had done to me, but he could understand why I didn't want her to know to know about it. Even though he could understand the reason I had been gone for so long, he was still annoyed at the fact that he hadn't been included in learning sign language.

"Could I learn sign language? So I can talk to you myself rather than having a translator?" I nodded in my response, for I finally realised that Henry didn't completely hate me for what had happened- he was just very **very **annoyed with me for not telling him sooner.

I ended up giving Henry my new number so he could text me- but I had him save me under my middle name; Artemis. That way if his mother ever checked to see who he was texting she wouldn't know that it was me.

But what none of us could have foreseen was the arrival of the queens of darkness. Led by the crocodile, they wanted to find the author and change all the stories so that the villains had the happy endings- not the heroes. It seems like my absence from the sheriff station just got cancelled.

**Dum dum duuum. It seems our sheriff we be seeing her ex slightly faster than she had first planned. You see this box below? Its a very small price to pay- plus a recent study shows that leaving reviews speeds up upload rates by 100%!**


	6. Storybrooke under seige (again)

**Hello my little Owls! its getting interesting now, for the ploys to keep certain people unaware of the situation are failing- not to mention that the population of Storybrooke is being terrorised by the queens of darkness. Enjoy!**

**Killian Jones**

Usually we heroes all run to the station and gladly work together whenever a new villain comes and strolls into town. Although every other time a villain has come to town Emma hasn't wanting to rip my head off. Or limb from limb I could never remember which one she would rather do to me. But it didn't take away from the fact that I was needed in her presence and the only way I was possibly going to survive this would be by teaming up with Regina, or David, or one of the dwarves at that moment I really couldn't have cared less- for I knew I wouldn't be able to keep it together if I had to work with Emma once more. I couldn't risk the memories coming back after she more or less tried to set them alight.

_Any ideas as to why I'm being called into this David? I'm hardly anybody's first choice of consultant when it comes to defeating villains; that's your job not mine._

_Well suck it up Jones because you're the only person in Storybrooke who has ever encountered the sea witch Ursula and lived to be here today. You're also here because I want to prove a point to Emma that you are an outstanding man and she's just being stupid about the whole situation. She may be my daughter but I can tell when she is out of order._

The sheriff station was near to bursting when David and I walked in, everybody trying to recall who each of the queens of darkness were- the only missing charming was the lady snow white, and from one of my previous conversations with the prince, she had met these queens before in the enchanted forest- so I suggested to David that he brought her in for reference on these queens.

_Which of these queens have you met before exactly Killian?_

_Ursula the sea witch. And she was working alone at that time so it must have been fairly recent that they bonded together._

_Fairly recent in our terms or in yours? Because last time I checked you were still saying that 30 years ago is recent._

_Well I met Ursula once when I was in the navy, then again when I was a pirate._

_Well seeing as there is only a couple of us who can understand you in this room I would suggest going to stand next to them whilst I go and get my wife in for casual questioning._

Emma was standing over her desk in a fashion that I had so sorely missed- the way her golden halo of hair settled so perfectly over her shoulders and ran like rivers along her back. Her bright olive eyes were alert and questioning, looking over every detail she could get her hands on.

I could feel myself falling for her all over again. Lost in thought, I almost missed the light tap on my shoulder from Belle. Her smooth, young features were marred in fear from the return of the villains.

_Do you think he will come for me? I mean I did throw him across the town line and…_ I grabbed Belle's hands to quiet her thoughts

_No I really don't Belle. Unlike everyone else who knows Rumpelstiltskin I know who he was before he took on the dark curse. And I know for a fact that that man would never intentionally hurt someone he loved._

_Didn't he kill Milah though?_

_That was exceptional. He would never do that to you because he cares for you too much. He is willing to fight for you and that is something that you and Scarlett are going to have to watch out for. We may have started off badly but I know that he cares for you a lot. And also he is a friend so I'll sign to Little John and get him and the others to watch over you both- no buts. And that is final. You are essentially the little sister I never had and I am not about to let this bastard hurt you._

_Little bit too over protective of me Killian- but I am glad that you care for me so much. It's because of that that I came here. I got word that my soon to be ex-husband had rolled back into town and that you were going to be here. And because I am with you I feel safe._

_Well let's try to keep it that way? Shall we?_

_Most definitely._

**Belle French**

"Belle! Are you okay? I mean he is most likely going to come after you seeing as you threw him over the line and probably hurt him" Emma called over to us, completely ignoring my existence in the room.

"Yes, I'm fine Emma. Killian and the merry men are going to be watching over me- and unlike you I actually trust Killian and can understand why he did what he did." _In more than sense of the matter I suppose _"I'll stay out of the places that he'll suspect me to be in. Meaning I'll probably just stay in the apartment till I know that it's safe"

"Apartment? I thought you were living at the mansion still?"

"No I sold it. Killian offered for me to move in with him as a roommate for his flat and I accepted. So I'll be there if I am needed, plus at least one of the men watching over me can get books from the library for me to research with"

"Killian has a flat? Since when?"  
>"Since he became harbour master of course" I knew Killian wouldn't particularly like me telling Emma this because it would mean that she could easily find him and haunt him. It was bad enough with him having the nightmares of Rumple tearing his heart out and trying to crush it (in the dreamscape he was always successful), and he would try and call out for Emma, or for me; but because he was missing his voice he would have to walk around the flat until he saw that I was okay. It was tearing him apart, not being with Emma- but it was the only way he would be able to stay in Storybrooke. His brothers letter was what had kept us both going since it was found, because it had brought us even closer together so that we were more than friends in a completely platonic way. The look on Emma's face made it completely clear that she hadn't heard of Killian getting a job or moving out from Granny's. She had probably never looked either; and she probably wouldn't try and find the apartment unless Henry was thought to be there (which would probably be happening soon enough seeing as he knew about Killian's 'accident'.<p>

"I may not trust Hook, but I can trust the merry men will keep you safe. Where is he actually because he was here a moment ago"  
>"He will have gone to call the merry men and Will to update them on the situation. No doubt that he will be back soon"<br>"Well… I guess that's a good thing" Her voice sounded uneasy- the way that she would only speak when a villain had truly confused her.

"Why is that a good thing?"

"Because it means I don't have to have **that **conversation with him despite the fact that it is two months overdue. I mean, I can kind of see why he would want to get his hand back, but the lying and the deal with Gold just made his betrayal even worse. Not to mention I'm pissed with him for thinking that I am so shallow that I wouldn't like him just because he was missing a hand." _Oh if only you knew Emma._

A knock on the door pulled us from our thoughts- it was David and Snow, but something was wrong with the picture. Or more accurately something was wrong with Snow.

_Watch him for me Belle and make sure nobody unsavoury finds out about Killian_

_I have it David._

**Killian Jones**

I had sent a message to the merry men and Scarlett to get themselves to my apartment to sort out Belle's protection, and each had agreed (Will had added for everyone to get there as quickly as possible for he didn't want anything to come to Belle, he had _some _feelings for her by this point- so he had to add some incentive for them to hurry up; whoever got there last would have to buy a week's worth of drinks for the rest of us).

I was just about to leave when David arrived with Mary-Margaret. I had known that there would be some animosity between her and myself, but I certainly hadn't expected for her to slap me quite that hard on our first encounter in two months.

"Snow! Why the hell did you do that?"

"David! Don't you see? He has caused Emma pain with his betrayal- and so he is going to have to tell me himself why he hasn't come to try and at least explain to anyone of us why he did what he did"

_Ready to translate Charming?_

"Fire away when ready Killian"

_Your daughter specifically told me not to talk to you and as I am sure you are aware your husband has already had quite the earful of it already. If I were able to tell you about what had happened after what transpired between me and Emma I would. I truly would- but for that I would need a voice._

"Oh my god…."

"So that's where you've been going… You've been going to the hospital to learn sign language for Killian…"

"Yes and Emma cannot know about it. About any of this. She can't even know about Killian"

"Oh my goodness I am so sorry Killian I didn't know"

_And you weren't meant to_

"What's he saying David?"  
>"Thank you"<p>

_Send Belle back to the apartment when you can David because between the merry men and I we need to devise a plan to protect Belle from the crocodile._

_Got it. Be careful yourself though- I don't want to lose another friend_

_Sorry but you can't get rid of me that easily._

I laughed to myself as I went out. Yes I had never intended for the Lady Snow to find out about my situation, but that wasn't why I was laughing. I was laughing because of how alike David was to Liam- for he would have said something similar to me. And our unlikely friendship that had spawned after my accident was a bloody miracle- and one that saved my life.

Now I just had to figure out how to stop the crocodile from hurting Belle.

**The secret isn't much of a secret now! **

**You see this little box here? Its a small price to pay for these- after all; all magic comes with a price**


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